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Sympathetic Antagonisms, Pets as Conversation-Silencers, Etc.
“The Gentler View,” Harper’s Weekly (September 25, 1909) : 27
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      Though we get a certain amount of restricted pleasure out of our enthusiasms and preferences, nothing warms us like an antagonism shared by another person. We glow at a dual dislike and rush into alien arms at their claiming an abomination of our own. Matching dislikes is one of the great excitements of life, and separate likes are pallid, fruitless pastimes in comparison. An abhorrence is thrown out to a budding friend and, if caught, declared to have been long in her possession. What a stride the friendship has taken! With a rush we exclaim, “What, you, too, loathe Germany?” and are repulsed, made lonely, and aware of our opponent’s limitations by her lenient, “Oh no, not loathe it precisely.” There is no use in following up the matter with a question as to her exact position regarding Germany. If she is going to exhibit any fair-mindedness, or take a treacherous middle stand, she is not for us. Anything short of a sweeping detestation makes a ground too narrow for two to meet on. There are subjects on which you too can be reasonable, but these are beside the mark. You regard them calmly, why discuss them? It is a fervid partisanship, a refusal to feel calmly, that demands equal warmth and a generous meeting half-way on the part of those who aspire to intimacy. Does urbanity madden you to such an extent that you permit no bringing forth of extenuating circumstances? Do your hands fly high of themselves and your feet carry you from all urbane persons? Then picture your exalted rapture at finding some one else affected with equal strength by the same smug flourishes. To find that another person loves Corot is to be suspicious of his sincerity, you loving him dearly; to find that he hates fishing is to make you welcome him to you gladly, not even barring his enthusiasms. To find that another person loves Corot is to be suspicious of his sincerity, you loving him dearly; to find that he hates fishing is to make you welcome him to you gladly, not even barring his enthusiasms. And when a friendship has been based on some such strong bond, when two people have been thrown into each other’s arms by a sympathetic distaste for stamp-collecting or French tea, what hours of delight they have before them. They will be able to go on for indefinite years, always finding new antagonisms, drawn more and more closely together by mutual shudders. One feels so sure of people if they dislike August and Scott and heavy breakfasts, they so declare themselves as being of the right sort. It is no wonder if after each discovery a purring follows, a soft patting of hands, and a suffused happiness out of which comes, “The dear creature, she is almost as difficult as I.”

      Nothing kills conversation like children or pet animals. A man or woman in the room with any of the small things attendant upon her acts as a soporific, and all eyes are turned on the animated little body with a smile that stiffens into a hypnotized stare. The possessor alone retains her peace of mind, and talks naturally and happily, carrying on an attentive feeding perhaps, which strikes awe in the heart of every beholder. Others are reduced to a state of blankness. They are living denials of the statement that the mind is never totally inactive. A man with little experience of human absurdities and many stirring ideas attempts to talk. Every one is surprised and delighted at his perseverance, and listens not so much from any interest in his words — we are past that — and listens not so much from any interest in his words — we are past that — but from springing hope that he may down the child, or the Angora kitten, and a willingness to back him, lost cause though he be. He keeps up bravely for ten minutes, and a tide of excitement goes about the group. They are unable to help him, but they give him their ardent, silent encouragement. It is not enough, his voice weakens, and finally he, too, takes to throwing sugar at the dog. It may be that he never knows the real cause of his overthrow and attributes it to the impracticality of his own ideas, or the dulness of the people who surround him. They must let him carry away a bad impression of their intelligence, and this without blaming him, for it does not stand to reason that he should trace such a far-felt influence to the plump, beribboned bundle gurgling in the corner of the sofa. There are certain callers, and circumstances, which in themselves produce incurable pauses, and at such times a pet should be sent for hurriedly. It will keep a pleasant something going, though not, of course, conversation. A pet will fill up uncomfortable gaps, let embarrassed glances centre on its capers, take social petrifaction so nobly on its own shoulders that every one feels himself wholly unconnected with the ghastly afternoon and blames it wholly on the dog. Pets have their uses, to be sure; they are very strong weapons at times, but should be wielded with care. It is a bad handling of them that has brought them into such low repute. There are certain callers, and circumstances, which in themselves produce incurable pauses, and at such times a pet should be sent for hurriedly. It will keep a pleasant something going, though not, of course, conversation. A pet will fill up uncomfortable gaps, let embarrassed glances centre on its capers, take social petrifaction so nobly on its own shoulders that every one feels himself wholly unconnected with the ghastly afternoon and blames it wholly on the dog. Now that the real value of these little things has been pointed out, it is to be hoped that they will be used more circumspectly.

      The putting of the best foot forward, a simple, homely maxim that, when followed, did no harm, has grown to a seriously taken creed which can be called by nothing less solemn than the presentation of the prosperous. It is done with such sedulous care by all who are fighting for anything at all that the result is grotesquely like a painted drop-curtain with nothing but an empty stage and draughts behind it. Every one with a breathless, smiling disregard for facts tells you of the success with which he is meeting, until you feel that you alone out of all the world receive rebuffs as well as advances. It is a little uncanny, this extreme and general prosperity; its excessive shine flusters the eye, and you would like to whisper softly that they need not do it before you if they do not wish to.
      You will understand and not think them disloyal to their careers if they relax a shade and stand, as it were, in a slightly more negligent pose. But they prefer remaining always on guard, these fighters, not honoring you with the laying aside of a single arm; and they force you with positively international tactics to gather together a navy of your own. It is with difficulty that you adopt their seriousness, while you despair of ever getting their onward-marching, banners-flying, all-conquering tone. The triumphs they touch on lightly, with a deft juggle of great names, and a discreet but meaning smile, are superhuman in their frequency and scope. If they use decoys of prosperity in the hope that they will attract the live and nourishing bird, they at least achieve the end of numbing competitors by their startling realism. If you, a fellow hunter after success, are almost fooled by their wooden, painted aids, what chance has genuine, unwarned prosperity of escape. It will flutter down and be tamed without the need of a single shot. Though successful people are so astonishingly numerous that it seems a great number of them must be real, none impose on the others, so that in the end one’s head whirls hopelessly. With great caution it is suggested that a pupil of Leschetizky will surely have merit, only to be answered by a sophisticated chorus of, “Nonsense ! Every one says that he is a pupil of Leschetizky.” Good gracious, does he, and are none of them to be believed? If every one mentally accuses every one of saying everything he says from policy, how have any of them the heart to keep up his own end? A pretence must crack so ominously when multitudes insist upon skating on the same thin spot. A pretence must crack so ominously when multitudes insist upon skating on the same thin spot. And the honest successes, that deserve such whole-hearted singing, are they to be doubted? They run a terrible risk of it, and yet what is to be done for them? When one has listened a long time to these smiling folk and watched attentively their proud stepping out with the best foot, and hurried, unseen manipulation of the other the conclusion is inevitably reached that if success does not come to them no one will ever know it, just possibly not even themselves. As for their deserving it, there is not a doubt of that. Such realistic effects built up out of hopes and intentions, such gallant concentration on a brave front and stoical disregard of a discouraged rear, approaches the sublime. They deserve more than success; they deserve veneration. They have made something out of nothing, and that has long been recognized as a miracle.
 

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