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Women and Sometimes Men
(“The first of three talks by Florida Scott-Maxwell”)
The Listener (September 15, 1955) : 425-426
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      It would never occur to anyone to take men as a subject for discussion. They are far too varied. But women are a favourite subject, for both protest and dismay. There may be much meaning in this, as perhaps the time has come for women to change, that the balance between the masculine and the feminine may be better. Now may even be the point in time when thought is seen as sterile and destructive unless partnered by true feeling, feeling that is as trustworthy as clear thought. I do not mean ‘emotion’, which is hot, blind, fed from unknown sources, but feeling that assesses value justly, and so keeps a living relationship to experience.
      When we say women, whom do we mean? Whom are we going to talk about? For women are usually described as someone would like them to be, or would like them not to be, but seldom as they are in themselves. The very word ‘woman’ is equivocal, since it may mean someone from whom you expect untiring work, or someone utterly fluid and so endlessly adaptable; or it can mean someone very good, or very bad, or very alluring, or hardly there at all.
      One thing is certain, and that is that a talk such as this should not be voiced, or listened to, unless you and I accept the fact that every man and woman is both masculine and feminine. This is true psychologically as well as physically, and modern psychological thought now takes it for granted. We each carry a dual inheritance, and we shall only flounder in generalities unless we agree that our aim is to consider the masculine and the feminine sides of the woman, and the feminine and masculine sides of the man.
      It seems necessary to discuss men and women together as they are in reciprocal relationship, one being frequently measured by the other. Withdrawn from each other, they change markedly. Psychological analysis has shown that man is masculine only outside but feminine inside, while woman is feminine outside but masculine inside. The less a woman recognises and honours her masculine side the more primitive it is: explosive and unreasonable, though often heroic. If men are in special circumstances, deprived of action and initiative and forced to live passive endurance, their faces even take on a look of womanly patience; while women forced by necessity into extremes of effort have the formidable strength of strong men. So we are really discussing the maddening duality of human nature.
      Psychological analysis has shown that man is masculine only outside but feminine inside, while woman is feminine outside but masculine inside. The less a woman recognises and honours her masculine side the more primitive it is: explosive and unreasonable, though often heroic. While a man’s unadmitted feminine side can make him claim protection from all discomfort, demand flattery, and play the clamant child. When he is like this he thinks badly of women, judging them by his own disregarded feminine side. Both men and women are sensitive in these matters, as both think they should be comly masculine or feminine, and could be if the other sex would let them. They are always outraged to have a doubt cast that this is less than true. But if we do not admit the paradox in our nature, then inevitably the unavowed side is truly inferior, and we are rightly humiliated to be seen living it blindly. This is a very prickly subject, and only a deep conviction of the riches that clarity might bring makes one dare to broach it at all.
      It is foolhardy to attempt to define masculinity and femininity, yet I must attempt a definition, though knowing I am near the morass of half truths. I follow other psychologists in saying ‘masculinity moves toward a goal’. Continuing from that one can say that it acts, so a change takes place, and something has been defined. I follow other psychologists in saying ‘masculinity moves toward a goal’. Continuing from that one can say that it acts, so a change takes place, and something has been defined. He who acts is responsible for his act, thus danger is faced, since a former pattern has been broken. Standing by his act, he has become an individual, then thought and force are required of him. The taut bow and pointed arrow of the masculine principle were needed if civilisations were to be born, and life was to move forward. Small wonder if the feminine principle had to serve it, and to care for it; also to believe in its strength, even when that strength was absent. Strong as man can be, he has always needed woman’s support, though she can be a great danger to him as well. She softens him, exposes him to his passions, his childishness, and to all that is most primitive and most formless in him. So how natural if she had to be suppressed, and was then left to carry both his sins and her own; while he went forward to clarify those impersonal things in which we have half our being.
      But principles are very different from people. They are great tendencies, while we are small and uncertain. So a man, any individual man, lives in a constant predicament. For life requires great qualities of him, and it is his pride to represent them, even when he prefers not to live them. Yet it must be dreadful for him when women claim it as their natural right that he should produce his greatness on demand. For the sorry truth is that man cannot always be strong or clear. Who could? If he sometimes plays his role greatly, and is the very glory of life, how fortunate. At other times he is the first to say — ‘Ah, have a heart!’
      Having taken a flickering glance at masculinity, dare I try to encircle femininity? Perhaps not what it is, but what it is expected to be. I would then say that life, and men, ask mercy of women. They ask for generosity, and for the compassion of acceptance. They ask for joy, kindness and blindness, work, and forgetfulness; and too often for indulgence. In short, they ask for many aspects of love. They also ask to be allowed to stop being strong, and they enjoy not being clear. Women must, for their own and for life’s sake, respect and admire men, and we have to agree that as a whole men are more differentiated than women. Men have gone far in impersonal achievement and in codified thought, and they have created many specialised worlds. But when a man comes to a woman, he comes so often to recover his simple humanity, and to rest from being at his best. So the woman has to forgo his better side, and accept his lesser. This is hard for her, and here he needs her mercy.
      Shall we agree, then, that man does not appear to be always masculine, and is it time to ask if woman is always feminine? Does she [426] always show mercy and compassion? But these are love, and at its highest level. If these are expected of woman she is greatly honoured. Mercy is a divine attribute. Our Lady is merciful. Kway Yin is merciful. So somewhere men and women revere each other. Let us be glad, even awestruck, if they seem to seek the divine in each other.

Resort of the Hard-pressed
      But once more let us leave great principles, and come this time to any individual woman. If she is willing to watch herself live an ordinary day, she must admit how seldom she is merciful, and how often her own masculinity makes her roughly and excessively down-right. We are forced to believe that when either men or women are hard pressed, they each resort to that side of their natures they are not supposed to possess. This is what we see on every side, and what, too often, we live in ourselves. A man’s hurt heart and spiritual wound, as well as his childishness and moral cowardice, may make him recoil into his feminine side. He also does it because, half unwittingly, he seeks to explore and expand his own nature. Many men today show unmistakably that their feeling has withdrawn from the arid aspects of our modern world, and this is true of the best as well as the worst. Feeling has gone down into the undefinable places, where lies the fresh life that is so desperately needed. Many of these men are suffering the ordeal of loss of feeling, but the perceptive ones among them may be precisely those who will come to honour feeling, and learn to know it as the true assessment of living value.
      While some men are thus caught, many women show a half-smothered anger that is perhaps a just protest at our modern plight. While some men are thus caught, many women show a half-smothered anger that is perhaps a just protest at our modern plight. For countless women are carrying heavy burdens hitherto unattempted. They are giving great service to society, but they do it by drawing on qualities which they have only recently made their own. So is it any wonder if they do it at a high cost?
      Here we must take a moment to recall the road women have come. All through time they have been contained, and protected, after a fashion. They have lived within the family and the group, acquiring the virtues and vices of those who tend, watch, and learn by what they receive. Their role was to bring man back to his human roots when he had overreached himself. Woman was often man's touchstone, letting him see how far down, or up, he had got. Together with me, women evolved human happiness, where there are no questions. Out of her devotion she created an inner safety where the personal blossomed. These things came to women within social patterns that they had done only a little to create. If the design broke she suffered and had desperate need of inclusion. Without protection she was sexual quarry, or untrained labour. So that very gradually — it took her a long time — she at last demanded to be considered someone in her own right. That was very bold, and a very brave claim. But economic history had reached a point where it was convenient to have women earning their own living, so after a little fuss she was allowed to step out into the exposed and often unrelated position she occupies today.
      With such a past, such a role, and such a present, what would you expect women to do? what does anyone do when in difficulties? They call up their resources, they call up every last man. And that is precisely what woman has done. She has always needed the strength of men, and now she calls on the man within her own nature, and he comes. It is only seldom that she makes a pact with him; rarely is there a marriage between them giving equal honour. They call up their resources, they call up every last man. And that is precisely what woman has done. She has always needed the strength of men, and now she calls on the man within her own nature, and he comes. It is only seldom that she makes a pact with him; rarely is there a marriage between them giving equal honour. Her call to him is dictated by need, and by panic. She shouts down the castle walls that the castle is undefended, and up comes every warrior and handy man about the place. Then masculinity takes over, and it could not be otherwise. From then on woman in the woman hides in some dusty corner. She hates the noise and the combat, and feels wronged if anyone thinks she is making it. But she is. Those she called up are making it. And any man would say that she can, on occasion, emasculate those whom nature has made men. When one cannot reason with her, or beat her, the man nearest to her may then know the helplessness women have known through the ages. For when a woman will not see that she is possessed by blind forces within her, she is ruthless nature, and those about her can but wait for the tempest to subside.
      But what are we women to do with this inner man? He belongs to us. He has always been a part of us, though perhaps never so out and about as today. We could hardly have survived without him, and at a crisis he may be the one part of us that our husbands demand; and what is more, count on. Our inner man can be a devil, but he is invaluable. He both helps us to live our seemly professional lives, and too often he goes on the loose and rages about the home. We call him up when we want our own way, as well as when our families need to survive by his efforts. He helps us both in our good and in our bad. If our hearts were wiser we would not let him have his wild way: though there are times when he is our sacred anger, the volcano from which rises our inchoate comment on life, and which one day we may clarify — which we have perhaps beun to clarify, just a little. though there are times when he is our sacred anger, the volcano from which rises our inchoate comment on life, and which one day we may clarify — which we have perhaps beun to clarify, just a little. In our cooler moods, we train him to think for us, and he can: though we often accept brass from him in lieu of gold. Many women have learned to partner him. He can be an administrator and a scholar. He is a lively critic, for tkink of the ages of suppressed criticism he has to draw on. He is a perceptive historian, writing with subtlety and humanity. Some of the women he inspires have made him form a rich whole, the very consummation of duality.
      But the truth he is will not keep his place. He is too often our modern guise. He is us. He even lives in place of us. We have long been subservient to me, and now we are craven with the man within us. He distorts us, bedevils us, and frees us; and he also makes us forget the personal, that core from which we all live. Women have always been the guardian of the private and the personal, and if we now neglect the quality of these, then our gains may be cancelled by a loss.
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9 August 2026