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Enter Mrs. Heinie, R.
      Mrs. Heinie. Toots Snodgrass, what are you doing?
      Toots. Nothin’.
      Mrs. Heinie. You’re always doin’ that. Go in the next room and do it. Wait! I thought I heard voices. Has anyone been in?
      Toots. Yes’m. He was here.
      Mrs. Heinie. Whom do you mean by “he” ? Never mind. I know to whom you refer. Now I’ve told you repeatedly that I don’t want that person here. What did Bud Barlow want ?
      Toots. Same thing all men want — woman.
      Mrs. Heinie. Humph ! This nonsense must stop. Do you hear me? Stop! I won’t have it. I have other plans for Clarice’s future. She must marry above her station in life and not beneath it, as I have done. She’s only my step-daughter, but I have a heart. Where’s your master?
      Toots. In his shop. (At door C.)
      Mrs. Heinie. Humph! Always puttering in his shop. Go tell him I want to speak to him.
      Toots (aside). If I ever catch the man that invented work, I’ll get him a job in this crazy bungalow. (Exit C.)
      Mrs. Heinie (alone). Fine state of affairs, I must say. That penniless college graduate dares to aspire to my step-daughter’s hand. I’ll stop that nonsense. (Calls sharply.) Herman ! Herman, I say!
      Herman (off C). Coming, my dear.
      Enter Herman, C. He wipes his hands on his apron as he enters.
      Mrs. Heinie. I want you to understand that when I want you, I want you. Is that thoroughly understood, Herman Heinie?
      Herman (gently). Yes, my dear. I hope it is an importance, otherwise I regret to be disturbed.
      Mrs. Heinie. It is important — most important. You are idling away your time, Herman Heinie. Things have come to the point where something must be done. You haven’t given me a penny in three months. My first husband was a money-maker. A money-maker, do you hear that?
      Herman. Humph ! I have heard that many times. I am going to say, speaking for myself, that I make more money accidentally than your first husband ever did on purpose. (Chuckles.)
      Mrs. Heinie (angrily). Oh, it’s no use. I don't know why I ever married you.
      Herman. You know, my dear, I have asked myself the same question yet when I look at you.
      Mrs. Heinie. That’s enough. Quite enough. Now listen —
      Herman. Sure. That’s the only thing I ever get a chance to do with you.
      Mrs. Heinie. Things must change about this house. Your eternal tinkering with those impossible dolls must cease. Also Clarice and her going with that worthless Bud Barlow must stop. Understand?
      Herman. You are asking quite a large chunk in a couple of words, my dear.

—

Herman is “the eccentric doll maker of Happy Hollow, searching for the Spark of Life with which to put the breath of life into his masterpiece.”
from the synopsis, at p5, of —

Harry L. Newton The Spark of Life, Fantastic Comedy in Three Acts (Chicago: T. S. Denison & Company, 1917) : 12
LoC copy/scan (via hathitrust): link
same (LoC) copy/scan (via archive.org) : link
U Illinois copy/scan (via archive.org) : link

many (vaudeville/minstrel show) titles by Harry (Lee) Newton listed at his online books page : link
 

9 February 2026